My unstable soul

Diary of Ophelia


Why do I go so unstable at times? One minute I am fine and the next moment my world is breaking apart and I don't have a reason why.
 The odd one; my home doesn't feel "my" at times..metaphorically.
What of a fool am I to expect people to know what's wrong with me behind my smile, my laugh, my jokes and my "I don't care" attitude. And ask my why do I try to pull an "I don't care" attitude? Because no one takes a person with too much care and concern much seriously when they get used to the care and it becomes a daily routine.
 What's more stupid is that I myself don't know what's wrong with me, how do I expect anyone else to know then?

At times like this, what I think is that my little soul takes a break from my body and is out for a walk; and my body is left feeling empty and isolated. Reminiscing it's lonely times with the joyful, carefree, ludicrous thoughts.
And when this happens, I try to run away mentally from all... Run away to a place far away from all.
A place away from the busy lives filled with  noises and chattering of people who are way too busy untying the knot of difficulties of their lives.

With Green Day or Guns N' Roses, or  any other soft rock music in the background; I shut my eyes and run to my cliff  with a tiny cottage on it's edge. The noises of the waves are fighting against each other and the force of the winds who are racing one another... and then there is me. Me; standing near the edge looking down towards the mighty waves while the winds brushes my hair behind making me feel like a savior in a melodramatic movie. Later at night, I stargaze and cry, for it does make me feel better. I explore my cliff till my find my patronus, after that I wander. I will wander till I find my temporary map.

Sometimes I am better lost than be seen.