Hey there, Nahrin

Diary of Ophelia


Dear Nahrin,

First of all, why? why did you do that?
How? How did you have the courage to do it?
How does it feel to be gone? Is your spirit wandering about?
Can you see me? Can you please comfort your dad? He is going insane, blame his love for you.

I still remember the day I saw you standing with your guy in the corner of a pharmacy with chocolates in your right hand. I remember you telling him to go, so that you could join me, Fariha and Riya.

Who would have thought such a lively soul as yours is lifeless?  Family tells me I am the most puerile  but the day I met you after months, I knew it they were wrong.
How could you fall under his traps? When did you go this blind?
With a blink of an eye, we all lost you..
Do you remember the time api when you used to sneak Dhrubo's toys and give them to me? ha!
that's another moment trapped in time. Funny, how I had already planned for your wedding next year. Who knew there wouldn't be next year... who knew that was the last me seeing you.

Api, why did you leave? why? Your dad; uncle is going insane. How could you leave him at this stage of his life? I know you couldn't hold on.. but.

Just got the news of  you getting buried. I wonder how it feels to be under the earth... isolated from all..
Even though I am far far away from you, I can picture you with your eyes closed, wrapped in white cloth, mind and heart turned off, lying peacefully

If the boy is the reason for your death...I curse him... Curse him for what he did to you and your family. Curse him for taking away a little girl from her father..

You were loved and will be loved. I am sorry we failed you...It's a brutal world,api.  You had so much to live but I hope the heartache of your mind is silenced. You will be lost inside our memories. Like an old photograph we will retrieve  you from an old drawer or shelf years later. You played your role. Gave us all the happiness, gave us what you could but I am sorry we couldn't.
If you are reading this api...
Is it too late to wake you up now?
We love you... We are sorry...Forgive the naive..

My unstable soul

Diary of Ophelia


Why do I go so unstable at times? One minute I am fine and the next moment my world is breaking apart and I don't have a reason why.
 The odd one; my home doesn't feel "my" at times..metaphorically.
What of a fool am I to expect people to know what's wrong with me behind my smile, my laugh, my jokes and my "I don't care" attitude. And ask my why do I try to pull an "I don't care" attitude? Because no one takes a person with too much care and concern much seriously when they get used to the care and it becomes a daily routine.
 What's more stupid is that I myself don't know what's wrong with me, how do I expect anyone else to know then?

At times like this, what I think is that my little soul takes a break from my body and is out for a walk; and my body is left feeling empty and isolated. Reminiscing it's lonely times with the joyful, carefree, ludicrous thoughts.
And when this happens, I try to run away mentally from all... Run away to a place far away from all.
A place away from the busy lives filled with  noises and chattering of people who are way too busy untying the knot of difficulties of their lives.

With Green Day or Guns N' Roses, or  any other soft rock music in the background; I shut my eyes and run to my cliff  with a tiny cottage on it's edge. The noises of the waves are fighting against each other and the force of the winds who are racing one another... and then there is me. Me; standing near the edge looking down towards the mighty waves while the winds brushes my hair behind making me feel like a savior in a melodramatic movie. Later at night, I stargaze and cry, for it does make me feel better. I explore my cliff till my find my patronus, after that I wander. I will wander till I find my temporary map.

Sometimes I am better lost than be seen.